U1 – The 5 axioms of communication
U1 – The axioms of communication Click to read
VIDEO
I. One cannot not communicate
II. Each communication has two sides, a content one and a relationship one
III. Communication depends on the speakers’ viewpoint
IV. Communication is developed on two levels: verbal and non verbal
Verbal
Non - Verbal
Facial expression
Non-verbal
Gestures and body language
Posture
Proxemics
Attire (clothes); look (hairstyle)
Involuntary (automatic) signals
V. Each communicative interaction is either symmetrical or complementary
U2 – Communication styles
U2 – Communication styles Click to read
VIDEO
· Passive style
· Aggressive style
· Assertive style
The passive communication style Click to read
·Desire to be accepted
·Feared conflicts are avoided
·Fear and feel of guilt in case of loss of control
·Fear of not being successful in delivering your message
from “Back to the future” VIDEO
Advantages
> Short - term conflicts
> It is easier to be liked by other people
> You take on less responsibility
> You sometimes control and manipulate other people
Disadvantages
> You cannot avoid long-term conflicts
> You cannot be liked by everybody
> The lack of commitment worsens the situation rather than solving it
> Manipulating and blaming the others increases conflicts
> You cannot express yourself and you loose self-confidence
The aggressive communication style Click to read
·Desire to achieve your goals adopting an aggressive communication style
·You feel relieved after a verbal aggression
·You have to defend yourself, the world is full of hostile people,
·You have to get your own back/pay back
·When you cannot take it anymore, flying into a fury is fair
Movie clip from “Top gun” VIDEO
Advantages
> Short – term objectives are achieved
> You feel you dominate the situation
> You feel you are strong and considered
Disadvantages
> Antagonism and boycott surface in the long period
> The loss of control is socially unsuitable
> Relationships are based on fear and hatred
> Unecessary and harmful feelings of guilt emerge
Verbal Communication passive Vs aggressive Click to read
Passive
> Long and repetitive statements
> Excessive use of the word “maybe”
> Frequent justification
> Excuses offered continuously
> Excessive use of “I should”
> Few statements starting with” I”
> Self-pity statements
Aggressive
> Excessive use of “I”
> Opinions passed off as facts
> Threatening questions and expressions
> Advice such as “You should do….”
> Induction of guilt in your interlocutor
> Using sarcasm and mocking people
Non verbal communication Click to read U3 – Assertive communication style
U3 – The response to an aggressive communication style: assertiveness Click to read
VIDEO
Being assertive means expressing yourself without anxiety and safeguarding your rights without violating the right of other people
The structure of your message
• Active listening (paraphrasing, mirroring)
• Other people’s behaviour is described but not judged
• Expression of deep emotions is accepted
Features of an assertive message
•It is direct
•It is honest
•It is consistent
•It is adequate
•It enhances communication
from “Any given Sunday”
VIDEO
The assertive communication style Click to read
·Clear and concise/short statements
·Adequate use of the pronoun “I” and of expression “I would like…”
·Clear distinction between facts and opinions
·Non-forcing and non-blaming suggestions
·No use of imperatives
·Constructive criticism
·Questions to understand other people’s thoughts and emotions
·Reccomendations (Suggestions for problem solving strategies)
Assertive non-verbal communication Click to read U4 – Techniques for an assertive communication style
U4 – Techniques for an assertive communication Click to read
VIDEO
•Persistence
•Fogging
•Negative stating
•Negative inquiry
•Disarm aggressiveness
Persistence
•Defensive strategy, recommended when the receiver is too invasive and inappropriate
•Insist on your answer, underlining your unchanged viewpoint
•Communication cannot develop successfully
A dangerous escalation is avoided
Fogging
•Play for time in order to plan your self-defence
•Paraphrase without replying
•Change the subject
Negative stating
•Verbal attacks are motivated but excessive
•Will to use criticism to improve yourself and admission of your mistakes
•Focus on the real issue rather than on emotions
Negative inquiry
•Verbal attacks are unjustified and manipulative
•Analyze the criticism and call attention to behaviour and situation
•From a general to a more specific criticism
Disarm aggressiveness
•Adopt an extremely calm behaviour when fiercely attacked,
•This prevents an escalation of an aggressive and symmetrical communication
Assertiveness Click to read
It is situational:
•Not the same response to everybody
•It changes depending on situation, expectation, aims, people
•No absolute categorization
•Socially professional (responsible) behaviour
•It enables us to master interpersonal contexts
Building a professional reply Click to read
• Distinguish the different patterns of behaviour (passive, aggressive, assertive)
• Develop a positive self-image
• Dysfunctional thoughts: preconception, prejudice, fear
• Problem solving techniques
Verbal and non-verbal elements Click to read
•Communicative skills
•Self defence techniques ( persistence, fogging, negative stating,disarm of aggressivness,….)
•Non-verbal elements (elements of assertiveness)
•Examples
Personal cases Click to read
•Context: situation, place, reason of meeting, institutional mandate
•Who the actors are, who took part, their roles
•What happened: dialogues, behaviour, ……
•Achievements
•Emotions aroused during the event and after the event
Observation grid Click to read
•Eye contact
•Posture (bearing)
•Distance/physical contact
•Body language
•Facial expressions
•Tone, inflection, volume of voice
•Fluency “perfect timing”
•Listening
•Content
•Thoughts
•Emotions
Facing a “difficult” person Click to read
•Focus on your thoughts and attitudes
•Preconceptions, certainties (beliefs), prejudices
•Control over your emotions
•Adopt methods to minimize anxiety
• Act in a straightforward way
• Get in sync with the other person (aspects of assertiveness)
• Focus on solutions , not on emotions
• Retreat: perfect timing (change place and time of dicussion)
• Humour
• Ask for clarification
Guide for trainings 
Demo 
Play Audio 
